I’ve been using Tinder long enough to know it isn’t what it used to be. Besides the never ending updates to squeeze out a profit from users, diversity of eligible swipers is growing. Not only in faces, shapes and shades, but also in the range of desires they look to satisfy.

Once a haven for the spread of human secretions and adventurous encounters with horny lovers, the “swipe who you like” app has more recently become over run with profiles touting “Not Here for Hookups.”

It’s not exactly certain when these four words became a wall on Tinder, but it is clear why: dissatisfaction.
For every person who adds “Not Here for Hookups,” there are 20 suitors willing to hookup in the most unsatisfying way.

Many women want sex as much or more than the men I know. They’re just unwilling to accept a wack lover. They shouldn’t. It’s more fun and healthier to collect your favorite toys and make self love to your body.

“Not Here for Hookups,” has become the obligatory shield against would-be lovers who don’t know how to give satisfaction as good as they get it. Those are the ones who’ve absolutely ruined Tinder, turning a haven into a hassle.

Who killed Tinder? People who don’t know how to focus on satisfying a lover. Now the haven is more of a hassle. A battle for power, control and satisfaction. It didn’t have to be that way.

Just because it’s easy to make a match, doesn’t mean effort isn’t involved in being a highly sensational lover. You don’t get good at anything without doing it thousands of times with intellectual and physical performance as a goal.

That means you would have to be a professional hookup artist to do it well. A specialist. At least make it a hobby. Collect accessories, knowledge and gadgets that enhance your hookup satisfaction. That would have kept Tinder a haven but maybe it’s too late for the app.

There’s still hope for hookups and it’s just as simple as answering one question: “What’s the most loving hookup you can create?”

Tinder is just a canary in a coal mine. The inner wisdom of self love knows what you deserve. When you answer that the Question as love is, satisfaction is the only answer that makes sense.

A loving hookup is vulnerable, so you see into the person and allow them to see you. It’s an abundant experience complete with giving and receiving as a gift. It’s a healing hookup, filled with consent and boundaries that are built in connection. It’s all the experiences of the vast, expansive force of nature that love is. Most importantly, the most loving hookup you can create is satisfies your desires in every way.

Tinder is overrun with people who don’t know how to create a win win relationships. They don’t even know the question that makes it all right. It’s super simple to get satisfaction when you know where to ask, on and offline.

Maybe the next big dating app does some magic to get people co-creating scenes and boundaries for hot exciting times all in a few swipes.

Then, “What’s the most loving hookup you can create?” will be the new Not Here for Hookups.

jaebi

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