The Definition of Love

As a child of hip say whatever you want hop, I’m going to give it to you raw. Language you can’t escape from. Words so fundamental they breathe through all of your operations. Deny these tools at your peril. Language eases the mechanics of the mind so the soul may taste what it craves.

Freedom. It is the principal requirement for acceptance of one fact: you already know what love is.

Today I offer a reminder.

Love is a naturally occurring force in the Universe, like gravity, that humans experience daily yet hardly understand. The distinction between love and all other experiences is that it is desired. It’s a naturally occurring craving, and true to form you choose to have it.

You must be willing to acknowledge and accept what you feel.

There isn’t much more to it, other than the thermodynamics (science) and stories (personal experiences). Your H.OS has a range of experience with love, mentally and physically, with lovers and without.

For 21st century learners, it takes a certain liberty to accept the wisdom cultivated by the human operating system. Often, people I coach and train don’t always trust their own minds and bodies. This impairs their ability to learn code as much as your ability to learn how to love someone you care about.

I met Luke while writing a Love Lessons post in a cafe one day. He sat nearby at a long table and we started chatting. When I told him the LL concept his eyes lit up.

Not to my surprise he had a lot to say about it. At one point he even referenced a thoughtful Facebook post related to true love, although he hadn’t framed it that way yet.

“Love isn’t a choice,” Luke said at one point, “it’s something that comes up.” He was arguing against any quantifiable understanding of love (thus the futility of my writings).

Yet his words recounted the bittersweet experience of longing. Even though Luke was sad and alone, he was overcome with gratitude that ultimately being with a woman meant so much he could even take joy in being without one.

“That’s true love,” I offered. “Love is an experience.”

“Lots of things are an experience,” Luke said. “Paying taxes, going to work.”

“Yes, and love is better than all of those because you want it.”

To this, Luke sat in silence.

Then I offered that the experience of love is more like a rollercoaster. You choose to get on but once the ride begins you have no control over the experience, only your behavior during the ride.

I wasn’t sure Luke was ready to accept my utterly simple definition of love. I’m clear it’s a mysterious force, but a seed has been planted.

Just like the first time you learned about gravity, that tiny inconceivable force that’s driven your life since day one. You don’t master it the first time you hear the concept. In fact, it takes constant practice and application of theory to even begin to understand the physics.

Love is clearly a force yet when asked about it, how many resolve to “I don’t know” as a way of being in love? Some even pretend love is exactly what it is not. “Love is a drug,” for example, “love is forever,” —these are metaphors that breed misunderstanding of a natural phenomenon. Love is love. Drugs are drugs. Don’t believe the hype. Love is as forever as gravity but neither can keep a marriage in place.

True to your H.OS, you’ll never fully accept anyone’s definition of riding a rollercoaster. Your only truth is defined by getting in and strapping on. In love, you’ll need people to ride most often. The moment you acknowledge what you’re feeling for someone, you choose acceptance and there you see the truth, you breathe and experience, love by definition.